To Be An Us
by Munro.Chambers.G
Summary: Clare is confused between pain and pleasure ? Will the fairytale come crashing down? Or will she live a happily ever after.
1. Never An Us

"We can be whatever you want us to be." He said looking into her perfect blue eyes.

"I want their to be an us." As she took a step closer to him.

Everyone experiences a different kind of pain and everyone goes through things in their life. My pain, was Elijah Goldsworthy.

*Previous In Time*

" **And I know we aren't dating, but here's the key to my house- 'our' house."**

She was quite confused. She looked at the shadow standing in front of her.

"**Eli- you know I can't take this key." **She said looking down at her feet.

He stepped closer to her and lifted up her chin so their eyes met. The blue and green clashing. He didn't get why she had to deny his proposal due to the fact that she basically already lived in a house with him, half of her stuff already being there. "**Darling, you can. We can live together, it'll be fun. I want this for us." **He said to her being completely sincere. She looked up at the ceiling and took a few steps around the house. She admired every inch of the house and smiled. "**It's beautiful." **She said turning towards him again. He smirked watching her act like a little kid in a wonderland. "**It's what you've always wanted.**" He said to her. And for that he was correct. A house like this was what she had dreamed of. She placed her hand over the piano. He headed towards the bench to sit down. "**I truly want this for us, Clare.**" He repeated looking to the piano. She smiled and nodded. She wanted this as well, but with the house came her dream of kids and a husband. Eli was complicated. She knew he never meant the words of them being an 'us' but she hoped to herself each day that he meant it. "**I'm in.**" She said glancing at the bare wall. He smirked. He was glad that he accepted his proposal to move in with him. He grabbed her hand and said "**We can be happy.**" And in that moment she truly wanted to believe every word that he had said. They stared into each other's eyes until the ring of his phone had stopped the picture perfect moment. He answered it, "**Goldsworthy.**" She heard a voice on the other side of the phone but didn't pay much attention to the call. As he talked she sat taking all of this in. As she sat there thinking, he had interrupted her thoughts with words. "I need to go sign some papers in the office. But I'll be back and then we can watch a movie or something. Deal ?" She nodded. He had kissed her head before grabbing his jacket off the hanger and shutting the door. She decided she'd sit down on the couch and call Alli and tell her the news. She picked up her phone and called Alli. The phone rang.

"Hi Clare."

"Hey Alli. Are you busy ?"

"No, I just got home from working in the lab. What's up?

"Eli just asked me to move in with him. "

Alli hesitated for a second. "And you said no- right?"

Clare huffed. "No, I said yes."

"Clare we've been through this, he is only going to end up hurting you."

Clare has heard this so many time and she as honestly getting sick of it. "**He said he wanted this for 'Us', Alli."**

Alli rolled her eyes through the phone. "**There is no 'us' for you guys**."

Clare was beginning to get mad. "**Alli, why can't you just be happy for me?"**

"**Fine. If that's what you want. Ill be here but Clare you need to be careful**."

"**I will Alli, thanks**." They then said their goodbyes.

Clare felt as if she should do something as a celebration for her and Eli so she decided to make a dinner for the two. She started to prepare the dinner for the to while running a hot bubble bath. After being out of the bath she blow dried her hair and put on a dress that hugged her curves perfectly. She applied her eye make up and blush then put on heels to match her dress. After finishing up, she looked in the mirror and smiled feeling content with the way she looked. She went back downstairs to the kitchen where she had finished dinner. She then looked at her phone and the time read 11:23 p.m. It had been an hour and a half since Eli had left. She waited and waited around and soon she drifted to sleep.

"**Clare baby, wake up. Daddy is home. Wooohoo**!"

Clare opened her eyes to Eli, hovering over her. "**Eli?**" She had looked at the time and it was already one in the morning. "**Claaaaaareeee you look sooo cuuuute when you sleep.**" She had smelled the alchoal on his breath. 'Oh boy' she sighed to herself. "Eli you're drunk." She said bluntly. "Nooo, Clare. YOU are drunk." He laughed. She had a look of irritation "I made us dinner, but it's wasted now." She said codly. "Screw dinner."he had retroted. "Eli go to bed." She said with an annoyed tone. He looked at her and said, "Come with me." He had grabbed her hand and they headed up the stairs into the bedroom. Clare had removed Eli's shoes and socks and tucked him into bed. She then slid into bed herself facing the opposite way. "Clare." Eli said. "Yes Eli?"She had answered. "There will NEVER be an us." He spat his cold words around.

She felt the pain in her chest. Tears rolled down her cheek. She thought back to all their memories, all the things that happened between them. She gave him everything and all of her and his cold words hit hard. That night was the first time she had cried herself to sleep in a while.

*Playing Through Clare's Head*

"I wanna give you my all, Eli."

"I belive that Clare."

"And I know you do but I want to prove it to you."

That was the first time they made love.

Tears continued to roll down her cheek as the memories flooded.

As she started to drift to a slow sleep, she felt a hand on her waist. It was Eli holding her kind of like he would do some nights, so gently. She fell into his touch and in those twenty seconds all the pain went away. and in those twenty second Eli had not done a thing wrong. and in those twenty seconds she had believed everything was going to be alright. It only took Clare twenty seconds to be naieve. Twenty seconds for her to believe that her "pain" was pleasure.


	2. That Kind Of Silence

It is like I am stuck. I am in my own world. There is so much going on but there is silence. It is silent. we, we are silent. I am waiting for the dream to be over. I am waiting for him to save me. I am waiting for him to save us. We live in this world where someone can say or do something to hurt you in the worst way possible but people forgive them like they did nothing, like it was nothing. Now tell me are we here to ust orgive the ones who hurt us or are we suppose to cut them out of or life, like they meant nothing to us? When someone finds the answer let me know because i am struggling. i have bcome a non-believer. I actually don't know what to believe in anymore. Someone tell me what is wrong and what is right and when you find the answer I will know what to believe in. But for now on let me live my lie.

Clare's POV

I wake up and I am on Eli's side of the bed, yet there is no Eli. It is okay though because I always expect him to leave. I am just waiting for him to leave for good. I just know that one day he is going to open the door to walk out and never come back and I just know one day he is going to leave me here with nothing but the unshattered heart he gave me in the first place. I need hope. I have an inch of hope though. Sometimes i see him and me laying on the couch watching tv and sometimes i see us going out on a couple's date. And in that moment everything is perfect. And in that moment I have something to believe in. I mean i love this man shouldn't I trust him beore I trust the sidewalk or handsoap. You don't trust someone who has once hurt you. It's kind of like riding your first bike and your parent says they won't let go but they do and you end up getting hurt so you never wan to ride on that bike with your parent again. It's that kind of hurt. but scraping your knee is much better than a shattered heart. Man, I love him.

I then feel the tears start to run down my face. I just lay there alone crying.

"Good morning sweetheart," i hear Eli say, but i don't respond. "how are you?" he questions me. I still stay silent. I hear his footsteps begin to approach the bed and curl up into a ball. My knees are at my chest as i close my eyes shut thinking of all the bad things going on in my head. He touches my forearm, and I wince. I then open my eyes to see the pain on his face. It hurts me to see him hurt but I still avoid his eye contact with me and turn over to face the wall. Eli then lays next to me in the bed, hands over his eyes, sighing."I need to know what's wrong Clare, please." he says weakly. The silence wil be the death of me so I take one big breathe and I mumble, "It's nothing." I lie but he notices my lie and sighs very heavily with a little of frustration. "I see you here crying and in pain Clare and I don't like it." I start to sob thinking of all the pain he is putting me through. He then grabs hold of me while I cry into his chest. He holds onto me so tight and for a second I feel like he is not gonna leave that he won't walk out on me but i being droven crazy. My cries quite down and i try to keep my breathing steady. He wipes my tear with his thumb but this time I don't cringe. This time i feel his warmth. He then brushes a strand of hair out of my face and puts it behind my ear.

"Tell me what you need." he tells me. I take a deep breath and I feel brave but numb at the same time. "love me." I tell him looking into his eyes with no regret. He chuckles and then I feel defeat. I feel like that was a laugh in the face like i just humiliated myself. I escape from his grip and roll out the bed. "nevermind." I say as I begin to leave the room. "Clare." I hear as I make my way down the hall. I sit on the living room couch with the television off while Eli stays upstairs.

This is the kind of quiet I talk about, the kind of silence that kills me, the kind of pain that you feel on a silent day but you are just scraming on the inside. There is no sense in being here, but I stay. I wonder and I bet Eli wonders why I stay also. I just lay there with my eyes close thinking of what just happened. I then open my eyes once I hear that i am acompanied in the room by someone else. He just sits on the other couch and it stays silent. There it goes again, the kind of silence I hate.

"Let me." I hear him say. He whispers it softly I can barely hear him. At this point he is staring at me and I look up from my lap and look at him and i se the dried up tears on his face and I see something different. i see past Eli the one who acts like he cars and then betrays me and hurts me and I seee past the cold-hearted Eli. Isee the Eli that has feelings the one that is willing to express the pain he is hiding. "Let me love you." he says. and I close my eyes for a second and in that moment I see that picture of us again but when I open my eyes again I see what I didnt want to see. I see that door opened, I ust see him leaving but when I blink he is still sitting on the couch infront of me. And there is nothing more that I want than to love someone that loves me back. His words pound in my head and instead of the image of our future all I see is the bad things happening, the arguments, him drinking, him leading me on, me crying.

My body takes over me and I walk. I walk to the front door and I open it and just sit back down. He just looks at me questioningly. "Tell me what you want, Eli. I see that door and I believe that you will one day walk outside that door and leave. I don't want to wait for that day to come. If it has to come let it be now. You mean the world to me but I can't just be friends with you. So Eli, tell me are you going to walk out that door like I know you are, or are you going to prove me wrong and sit here with me and watch a movie and hold me all night long?" and in that moment he gets up and walks to that door. or a while he just stands there looking at it and then he finally moves. and what he does brings tears to my eyes. He walks out that door and closes the door and in that moment my heart breaks. I just sit there crying but a minute later I hear a knock on the door . I slowly walk over to the door and open it. It is Eli just standing there. He than walks in and pushes my back to the wall, closing the door behind us, then more tears fall down. "Clare Edwards can I make love to you tonight?"


	3. Take It Away

Clare's POV

"Clare Edwards can I make love to you tonight?"

My mind goes in so many places. I can't focus or even speak. So I let my body control me. I wanted him to kiss me so i reacted quickly to that and our lips met.I couldn't help myself and with one quick decision I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, desiretaking over me. He responded quickly to me, immediately wrapping his arms around my waist bringing me closer to him. I gasped when I felt his erection poke my thigh and he took the opportunity to thrust his tongue into my mouth, sending my mind into a blur. I tangled my fingers into his soft luscious hair, pulling softly earning strangled moans from him. . He kissed me harder, more frantic, his tongue licking my lips and mouth sloppily. He tore his mouth away from me with a groan and pressed his lips to my neck, sucking softly. He was kissing me slowly but it was completely sensual. His tongue slid along my lips and i felt shivers don my spine and I mine met his as they played with one another. His tongue went into my mouth and it felt like everything went blank. I was lost in his kiss, in his touch, just lost in the moment. We made our way up to the stairs not leaving eachothers lips this whole time. He then layed on top of me. I moaned and then our bodies became one. I felt that I needed to be as close to him as possible. His hands began to run up and down my sides then I feel his and grab at the hem of my shirt. I then helped him lift it up. He than looked down at my body like it was the first time he had seen it. He swooped down to kiss my neck He kissed my neck and I could feel his hot breaths on my skin and I let out a moan.

He kissed my lips roughly and cupped my left breast making me take a sharp breath. God he was making me want him. "I have wanted this." I said. His eyes then went dark and then I saw a dark side of Eli. He played around with my nipple a little making it harden. As he continued his movements my hands dropped down to his torso. His skin was so soft and i loved it. I pulled at his pajama pants wanting them off. He complied lifting his hips so I could pull them down further. He took them off and came back to my body pulling me to him.

I flipped us over, me being on top. I purposely ground my hips into his getting a moan out of him. I kissed his jaw line and kissed down his neck. "I want to make love to you." I hummed against his neck. He pulled back and looked anywhere but my eyes. He mainly focused on my exposed body and my lips. He kissed me rough and I pulled away looked into his eyes and the words flew out, "i love you."

He smiled and he turned us over so he was on top of me He moved his hand down to the top of my underwear and in a swift second pulled them down. His fingers moved back up and down my thigh. He touched my center and my hips jumped. He chuckled. "You are so wet" His index finger then touched my area again. I moaned and bit my lip. Every movement, every touch of his drove me crazy. I felt his hardness against my thigh and moved my lower body a little so he was grazing my center. And in that moment we both knew it was time.

He gripped himself and I felt him rub against my entrance before I felt him slide moved his hips back a little and then thrust forward making me wince again. He did it again. He continued thrusting. His breathing was ragged and he moaned my name multiple times. My body was pulsing in pleasure even if I wasn't going to go over the edge I didn't need to to feel complete and utter bliss, I knew he was close and that was okay. He reached down to play with my clit and I almost lost it. I moaned his name loud and shut my eyes. Eli kept pounding into me. My hands moved from his hair to the sheets and I grabbed them tight. I could feel my orgasm coming. And from Eli's breathing, I could tell he was close too. He thrust faster. He looked into my eyes and thrust until I felt him thrust inside me one more time and call out my name, giving me a bit more pleasure as he came.

He collapsed on top of me and I kissed him sweetly.

We lay down together and all you hear is our breathing. He holds me close to him and I smile. I think how this is what I want all along. It felt so good to have this, to have us together. I never want this feeling to end. I break the silence by saying, "I love you Eli." and he flips over staring at the other side of the room. My smile fades and I gently put my hand on his torso. "Eli, I want that, i want us again." I say with some what security in my voice trying to maintain calm hoping for the bet.

He lies on his back and closes his eyes. "Clare, sweetheart that was only a one time thing okay." he tries to say swetly but I feel all harshness in his voice. and in that moment I feel the old Eli come back and i hate it. "yeah, that's fine." I try to hold back the tears. "I'm glad we are on the sam page" He says and kisses my cheek softly. He then wraps his hands around my torso again and I shed a few tears. "Would you believe me now if I said I loved you?" Eli whispered so low, Clare didn't even hear.


	4. Promises

**_Flashback_**

_He lies on his back and closes his eyes. "Clare, sweetheart that was only a one time thing okay." he tries to say swetly but I feel all harshness in his voice and in that moment I feel the old Eli come back and i hate it. "yeah, that's fine." I try to hold back the tears. "I'm glad we are on the same page" He says and kisses my cheek softly. He then wraps his hands around my torso again and I shed a few tears. "Would you believe me now if I said I loved you?" Eli whispered so low, Clare didn't even hear._

He felt the tears hit his arms and it paained him. Every piece of him was hurt and was slightly breaking inside. He knew that he was being a jerk and that he had just broke her heart for th millionth time but he had to show no emotion towards her. He had to show that he didn't care. He couldn't sleep and he heard her as she layed their crying in his embrace. "I love you." He says in his mind but doesn't get out. "I love you." he then says agai in his mind only wishing he could really say it to her because to be honest, this was not about the sex, at all. He could honestly care less about that, this was about how he loved her but he didn't want to continually hurt her.

Suddenly, the crying stopped. Eli sighed. He had been relieved that it was over. That everything was just done with. In the morning, they would act like nothing had happened and everything would be perfectly fine. He then pulled something out of the bed side table. It was shiny and beautiful. He played with it, looping it around and then finally set it on his table.

"I don't deserve you Clare Edwards." he had said and never looked back to where that ring layed remembering tht night.

**_Flashback_**

_"We can be whatever you want us to be." He said looking into her perfect blue eyes._

_"I want their to be an us." As she took a step closer to him._

And just from that day he thought everything was going to be perfect. That his dream of them finally being together would happen.

"It was that night Eli that made me believe you'd never do this to me." Clare had said looking up athe ceiling avoiding contact from him.

His eyes stred at her almost as if he had stared a hole into her. He looked at her with hurt this time. It was not some kind of 'I am only playing with you, just wait for this to happen again' It was more like 'I didn't mean or this to happen'. But she knew beyond any look an apology will never tke place and he knew it to. He thought he was beyond that, that he cold just buy his way out of everything.

"We can't bring this up Clare. It's not fair to me, nor you. We should just let it go." He said.

"You brought out that ring, I almost thought that I would never see that ring again. Eli, you're holding onto something that you said we should just let go of." she said almost annoyed but not letting the anger show and trying to show sympathy.

And then, it was silent. The kind of silence she did not like. the kind of silence that she ched not to have. Just that dead silence. She then spoke again almost hesitating to say it. "Why do you keep the ring, Eli?" she looked over at him and saw tht his head was hung low staring holes into that ring.

It took hiim long to respond but when he did he stumbled upon words, "yo- it meant something to me. Just basic sentimental value." he shrugged off like it was nothing.

She chuckled. "Yeah, I think _she_ meant more to you than the promise of that ring did."

Silent once again. He decided to chose his words wisely, "It was a mistake. and you know for that I apologize."

She felt ll the memories flood to her brain and ttack her mouth and out she spilled, "You're apologies and shit Eli, you are shit."

It took so little words for Eli to pop off. He felt all the anger rush to him at once. He then had just let his anger control him and then he punched the wall. "I tried SO hard Clare, I swear. I tried to be good to you." He yelled.

"You tried but you didn't. You did not handle anything like a man. Well at least not a real man." she spat. And even for her those words hurt. And in that moment she had saw the night lamp crashig to the floor. She gasped. Just before she could say it was all over, picture frames were being thrown to the ground and the desk had been knocked over.

Eli was red, "I said it was a mistake. You can't throw words around like that. GOD DAMN CLARE. Think before you speak you fucking bitch." and the words rolled of his tounge and in that moment she was up against the wall crying. He goes up to her and screms in her face and his fist rises up. Right then and there it was a choice that had to be made. She was terrified and he saw that in her eyes but instead of hitting her, his fist hit the wall. She slid down the wall crying loudly as he slid down on the side of the bed. And as she cries, he joins her with tears being slid down his face.

"I never thought I would get like this." he said looking over the room.

She sniffled, "Eli, we can not do this anymore."

And he just shook his head. He knows that she was hurt but he did not know what to say. he didn't think their were words for what was going on. "I feel broken." and in that moment Clare felt like he had just opened up to her. That what she was waiting for. After so long she finally got what she had wanted.

We scooted close to him where they were sitting across from each other. "Let's get help," she grabs his hands and looks at him but he continues to look down. "Let's do this for us." and that one word felt like they were in the same world for once. He looked up at her questioningly, "for us?" he had asked. "Yes, for us." He got up and smiled. "I am gonna sleep down stairs. You need your space"He tells her.

She gets up and grabs his hand, "No, that is not needed. How about the guest room ? Both of us."

She led them into the guest room and she soon used the guest bathroom to clean her face and saw him sleeping in the bed. She giggled and got into bed. She turned off the light nd snuggled up close to him. She felt his arms wrap around her and she smiled. "It hurt too much Clare." He whispered.

And she then turned around and looked into his eyes, "It won't hurt anymore Eli, I promise."

He then sighs, "You're promises seem to real to me." He says closing his eyes.

"That is because they are real." She says and then kisses his nose.

"Goodnight Elijah." and then she slowly fades into a soft sleep.

Well I hope I can get 5 reviews so I can continue. Hope you liked.(:


	5. It Stings

**Here is something different. Thanks for the reviews guys!**

Clare's Pov

"And Clare how did you feel about that? Or when you think about it now, how do you feel?" the therapist had asked.

I felt nothing right now. It was like I had felt too many emotions and now I had nothing to feel. It was too much. When you are in a relationship the easiest thing you can ever do is leave, so that is exactly what I did. I stood up looked at the therapist, made no kind of eye contact with Eli, and left believing that, that was the easiest thing I could have done. Did I know where I was going? Not at all. But I needed out and that is what they call the easiest place.

I figured that my car will lead me to the place that I needed to be. My phone was ringing in the passenger seat and I figured that it was Eli so I did not bother to check it. No effort. That's what I say by not answering his call, putting in no effort. It was kind of like some kind of crazy minor decision that was made by me because Eli chose to make no effort before and now I would be the one doing just that.

The more I drove; I found hot tears roll down my face. I then came to a stop. I looked to where I was and I felt as I should leave, that this place was no good. This place only brought more bad memories to everything and as I felt myself unbuckling my seatbelt and then me opening the car door to step out I felt pain rush through my body. As I walked up to the church I just stared at it, some disbelief because it still looked the same and some disappointment in me to the fact that I was entering.

I walked into the church and walked around remembering all the memories just go through me and I sit trying to control myself.

"Clare?" I hear. I look up and see a figure in front of me but I can make out who it is because my vision was blurred from all my crying but I knew it was a female because the person had a real feminine voice. When I my eyes clear up I see who is in front of me and I feel anger take over me.

"Clare, what are you doing here?" She asks me.

I don't know what right she feels that she has talking to me, but I respond back bitterly, "I am pretty sure whores aren't allowed in church, so if you do not mind me I was just leaving." I get up and turn on my heel as so as I feel an arm grab me.

"Clare, I work here. And I am sure you do not mean that. Are you still not over what happened? Oh come on Clare I thought you forgave me? Don't overreact. "

"No, I do mean that. I mean everything and anything I have ever said to you. You are nothing but a no good, dirty hoe. You think I can just forgive you? No. you slept with my fiancé. Do you NOT get that? You ruined what could have been my happy marriage and you think I am going to easily forgive you for that? You must be more messed up on the head than I think. You trying to take the man I love away from me is one thing, but thinking I will easily forgive you, is simply another. Go to hell Imogen." I say with so much hate and then walk away from her.

"If he would have wanted to marry you, he wouldn't have slept with me and Clare we both know that. You're smart. Use your pretty little head, honey." She yelled out as I walking.

I felt nothing but anger in my body. But I calmed down and in a regular toned voice I said, "You are pathetic and for that Imogen, I am sorry. May god save you, because I know no one else can." And with that I just walk away. I walk away from Imogen, from the church, from everything that ever meant something to me and I began to drive again not going where I was going again.

As my drove came to an end, I found my destination. I didn't know if I was brought here on purpose or if this was even a good choice to step out the car but I did.

Home. I ended up at home, the one that I shared with Eli. I do not know how I can call this place home because it doesn't feel like a place where I can go to and there is happiness or that I felt safe at all. To be truthful all that was in the house, were two people who were ready to break down at any moment. And when that happened we would not know who would make it out okay. Physically or mentally. And that is what scared me probably more than anything, but I had been tired of driving and I just wanted somewhere to be. I walk in and I do not hear any noise, I walk around the house and no one was there but I could tell someone had been here because there was an open box in the living room that wasn't there this morning when I had left.

I walked up to the box and it was labeled "The Rest of My Life" in Eli's hand writing and it contained a whole bunch of video tapes. I picked one hesitantly out dreading what was on this tape and went to put it in the VCR.

I sat on the couch and pressed play on the remote as I began to watch the video.

_*Flashback*_

_"Eli stop that tickles."_

_"No, not until you say that I am the greatest person you have ever met."_

_"I am the greatest person you have ever met." I had said sticking my tongue out at him._

_"Haha, Edwards you are so funny. I almost forgot to laugh."_

_"Well you did laugh so humor me." And with that he had put his lips to mine._

When watching these videos, I think to myself on why he is doing this to me. That we would be so much better without each other that everything would be so much better. I then walk up stairs and into our bedroom where it is still a mess from the night before and I walk carefully towards the closet. I look around a little until I found what I was looking for. I finally find the box and take it down stairs with me. In the box contained a bunch of pictures of me and Eli and I cry and because I am crying I began to get angry so I scream at the top of my lungs and I began to sob very loud. I began to throw the pictures around, rip some, and crumble others as I throw glass around throwing stuff all around the house hearing nothing but the sound of my loud sobbing.

I sit in the midst of all this mess and cry as loud as I can as I feel every emotion that I did not express before. I hear the door open and I hear his keys dangle around. His footsteps are loud and I feel him get closer and then I scrunch myself into a ball not wanting him to touch me, not even come near me.

"Clare." He says softly as he just stands there probably with that dumb smirk on his face. The one he wore all the time. I said nothing. I only cried. I knew that he would only try and come close to me but I wouldn't let it happen even if I had to kick and scream he did not have the right to be in my presence.

"Clare, I am sorry, for everything." He had said sitting somewhat near me but not close enough so that I had to yell. But his words hit me and it sent me in a whole other world.

_*Flashback* _

_As I sat on the couch crying, I felt broken inside. I ask myself a million times "What did I do to deserve this?" The door then opened and he came in looking happier than ever. _

_"Hi babe." He aimed for kissing me on the cheek but I turned my head. I couldn't even look at him. He looked worried and said, "What's wrong honey?" _

_I wanted for him to die, I wanted him to feel all the pain I was feeling in that one moment and my heart breaking. _

_"I wanted to send Alli a copy of our engagement video and I found **this**." I said quietly. _

_I pressed the play button on the remote and moaning and grunting came through the TV. He became wide-eyed and gasped. He sat there with astonishment._

_"You are a cheater Eli. A cheater with a fucking sex tape." I chuckled and threw the ring at him. "Have a nice life." I said as I walked out crying but before I reached the door he had something, "Clare, I am sorry for everything."_

_End of Flashback_

"I saw her today, Eli." I had decided to talk but still avoided all contact with him and remained in my own little word.

He said nothing and stood up. I threw the box of things toward his way. I cradled myself and cried.

"I don't think I can do this anymore." I say. And I see tears go down his face.

"Clare, don't say that." He says, trying to hold back more tears. He throws a picture my way as glass flies everywhere. "We were going to make a vow." He had said as I looked at the picture of me and him together after he had proposed.

I grabbed a piece of glass that was on the floor and began to slide down my arm not to deep but enough where blood came out. "And we also made promises but yet you broke them."

He gasped as he saw what I was doing and as a little blood dripped out. He came to me and tried putting his arms around me but I fought at first but soon gave in and sobbed in his shirt. All I wanted to do was hit him. I wanted him to show how it feels to hurt but I thought we had been through enough for the night. I escaped through his arms and my blood shot eyes looked into his and as I stood up I said "Goodbye Eli." I then heading upstairs slamming and locking the door behind me. And even though I was only going to be upstairs, the words goodbye sting kind of like my scars on my arms did.

I hope you liked, kind of a bad chapter. but 5 reviews for the next chapter! and I hope this was a little longer!


	6. It Takes Time

_Previously_

He gasped as he saw what I was doing and as a little blood dripped out. He came to me and tried putting his arms around me but I fought at first but soon gave in and sobbed in his shirt. All I wanted to do was hit him. I wanted him to show how it feels to hurt but I thought we had been through enough for the night. I escaped through his arms and my blood shot eyes looked into his and as I stood up I said "Goodbye Eli." I then heading upstairs slamming and locking the door behind me. And even though I was only going to be upstairs, the words goodbye sting kind of like my scars on my arms did.

Clare's Pov

Nothing seems to make sense anymore. There are killers, rapist, and people who harm others out there. People are getting hurt and no one is doing anything to save them. So let this be my chance to save you. I am not like other people, I don't like seeing others that I love hurt and I sure do not want to hurt you. Yet, I sit here and it all makes no sense. So help me understand?

I hear a sigh comes from the other side of the door.

Eli's Pov

I go in and out of your life. I lied to you, continually hurt you and probably put you through stuff I am sure you would like to take no part in. I yell at you one moment and the next I confess my love for you. I can justify my action and I yet I do not understand why you stay around. You are the worst part of me and sadly I have taken the good part in you for me to have any part of compasion in my body. Now tell me how do you plan on saving me?

Clare's Pov

Our thoughts are being transferred, but neither of us will say a single word to another and you just sit there. And you won't leave but to go to the bathroom and shower. You have called off work and haven't eaten a thing for three days straight. It is not good to live like this and for that I am sorry. And I know I shouldn't be sorry but I just know that nothing good will come out of the situation without an apology, so I decide to open the door. It is not what is best but it is what is needed. As I realize what I am about to do, it comes to me that this is actually something I wanted. So I close my eyes and press my head against the wall and this starts to become all too familiar.

As I open the door he looks up. He looks as if he is going to say something but doesn't so I walk right past him and downstairs. I do not hear his footsteps yet I keep walking , going down to the kitchen. I open the cabinet to get a cup but see they were too far out of my reach. I think about asking Eli if he can grab one for me but I wouldn't want to do that and continue to try. With the help of my middle finger I touch the side of a glass up as it slowly starts moving towards me and then with my next attempt at moving the up my way, it falls, hit's the floor and glass spills everywhere. I sigh and go get the broom. And just when I come back into the room Eli is coming from downstairs.

"Is everything okay?" He whispers with worry in his voice.

I nod my head because I know my voice would not at all sound convincing. As I sweep up the pieces of glass I break as the glass falls once again.

"It's not okay.." I say. He then began to look up questioning my words. "I tried to get it all by myself but I couldn't. I can not do it all alone and it is no fair to me. It crashed to the ground Eli, right before my eye, I let it break. Just like I let you break. It just crashed. We just crashed."

He then looks down at his feet and I see his face drained and I know that we can't do this anymore. I know that we have had too much going on in the last couple of days. "I am sorry" I mumble as I drop the broom and walk towards the stairs going back to the room I had been in for three days straight. As I walk he doesn't follow me, again and I feel as if I want him to come, I want him to save me.

I lie on the bed with my eyes closed and I have failed. I came out the room and I said I wouldn't. I reached for the cup and it crashed. I failed Eli. I failed myself. I began thinking of all the things I have did wrong in my lifetime and my heart just feels a pain. The door then opens and I curse myself for forgetting to lock it. He sits on the edge by my feet. "You- I- We- Listen, I put you through too much. And I promise I am sorry for that. I suck at this. But if you feel you need me to leave, I will and we and just go on and be… well, I guess- strangers." His voice then croaks.

I look up at him. "Stay." I suddenly question myself because my brave voice came out and it seems so new to me. It seems that I need him. That we need eachother. More than anyone and anything I love him.

He looks up at me with saddened eyes, "I was hoping you would say that, but I don't think that is such a good idea. I need to leave. You need me to leave. I an't be here. We an't be in the same house. It is killing us. I am killing us."

"What? No. I said I want you to stay and I mean that." I say my voice sad knowing this is all too much for me.

"I can't. I'm-" He gulps because he knows he is making a mistake. "I'm hurting you. I have always hurt you." He looks up to see her tears. "But you have also saved me Eli, you really have." she says making her way towards the boy.

"I've done too much damage" he whispers. She agrees but she knows that it only had to get worse before it got better. "We both have. Hell, look at our living room." she jokes. He chuckles for a seconds and them his hands start shaking remembering all the damage that had happened in the last couple days/weeks. She holds his hands in hers and looks up at him though he has his eyes closed. "Open your eyes." She demands and he soon complies. "We have been through the most but we have done it together. Me and you. Together. We. Us." Clare points between them. "There is no point in giving up now. We have so much let for us."

He stands up and closes his eyes putting his hands in his pockets. "We have to leave eahothers lives,Clare." Eli said walking towards the door. He sighed as she cried loudly.

She looks up and spurts out the words, "I'm pregnant Eli."

Eli's POV

Eli wakes up and his chest is breathing heavily from the crucial dream he just had. It was too intense. Him hurting Clare ? Clare being pregnant ? He pants and his heart beats a thousand times a minute.

...

"I've done too much damage" he whispers. She agrees but she knows that it only had to get worse before it got better. "We both have. Hell, look at our living room." she jokes. He chuckles for a seconds and them his hands start shaking remembering all the damage that had happened in the last couple days/weeks. She holds his hands in hers and looks up at him though he has his eyes closed. "Open your eyes." She demands and he soon complies. "We have been through the most but we have done it together. Me and you. Together. We. Us." Clare points between them. "There is no point in giving up now. We have so much let for us."

He stands up and closes his eyes putting his hands in his pockets. "We have to leave eahothers lives,Clare." Eli said walking towards the door. He sighed as she cried loudly.

She had just woken up from this nightmare. She had tears in her eyes and felt like she was slowly drifting from everything. She had to remind herself that it was just a dream, that it was truely a nightmare. She wanted to belive that nothing in that dream had been real, that Eli was still outside that door where he had been the last three days and that everything is okay. As she stands up she takes a deep breath and makes her way to the door. She opens the door and like on Christmas Day her present is under the tree.

Eli's Pov

I look up to the weak figure that is in the enterance of the door and I sight of relief. I quickly closes my eyes and thank god. She sits next to me and I can see every emotion in her eyes. Every emotion that I have created and hate to have there. "You came out." I say. She looks up and she shakes her head. Even though I don't say anything I am glad that she did because I began to worry for her. It becomes silent and I know this silence is only killing her as much as it is killing me. I hear her sigh and I reach for her hand like normal. She flinches at my touch on her and I feel automatic rejection and sadness. I feel a pang in my heart and I feel like everything we have ever built up to got run down.

"It takes time. It really takes a long time." she whispers closing her eyes then opening them looking at me. I agree with her as much I do not want to I know that it will take time to fix us and that is when things become to my head. "It makes more sense to spend more time on us, than to continue damaging us." She nods and I really hope that she agrees and that we are on the same level because at this point we need eachother more than ever.

7 reviews for the next chapter. sorry for the delayed update but i will update again soon. And please I need ideas for this story.


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